Who Writes and Gives the Best Man Speech

By Daniel Martinez · April 3, 2026

Who Writes and Gives the Best Man Speech?

Few wedding moments get as much attention as the best man speech. It’s one of the only times your guests stop eating, stop chatting, and focus on one person with a microphone. That can make engaged couples surprisingly nervous—especially if you’re working with a mixed wedding party, a non-traditional lineup, or a best man who’s not exactly a “public speaking” type.

Knowing who’s responsible for writing and delivering the best man toast helps you plan your reception timeline, avoid awkward surprises, and make sure the right voices are heard. It also gives you a chance to shape the tone: sweet and sentimental, funny-but-clean, or somewhere comfortably in between.

Quick Answer: The Best Man Writes and Gives the Best Man Speech

Traditionally and most commonly, the best man writes and delivers his own speech at the reception (often during the toasts). If there are multiple best men, they can either give separate speeches or one shared speech, depending on what feels best for the couple and the schedule.

That said, modern wedding etiquette is flexible: if your “best man” role is shared, if your best man doesn’t want to speak, or if you’ve chosen a best woman or person of honor, you can adjust who speaks—without breaking any rules.

What the Best Man Speech Usually Includes (and Why It Matters)

The best man toast is meant to do three things: celebrate the couple, say something meaningful about the groom (or the best man’s person), and keep the room feeling upbeat. It’s not a roast, and it’s not a comedy set. Most guests remember two things: whether it was kind and whether it dragged on.

“The best speeches are a mix of warmth and brevity,” says Janelle Ortiz, wedding planner at Bluebell Events. “Couples tell me they’d rather hear a genuine 90-second toast than a five-minute inside-joke marathon.”

Most wedding professionals suggest aiming for 2–4 minutes. If you have multiple speakers, keeping each toast on the shorter end helps your reception flow and protects your dinner service timing.

Traditional Etiquette: Who Speaks and When?

In a classic reception toast lineup, you’ll often see:

Father of the bride (or parent/s) welcomes guests and toasts the couple
Groom thanks guests and toasts partner
Best man toasts the couple (often focusing on the groom’s friendship)
Maid of honor toasts the couple (often focusing on the bride’s friendship)

Timing varies by region and culture, but a common trend is to place toasts right after dinner is served or just before dessert. Some couples prefer to do toasts before dinner to get speeches done early and keep the party moving.

“We did speeches right after the welcome drink,” says Hannah, married in 2025. “My husband’s best man was nervous, so getting it out of the way early made the whole night easier for him—and honestly for us.”

Modern Wedding Trends That Change the Answer

Wedding parties look different now: mixed-gender groups, co-best-men, best women, siblings in key roles, and even no wedding party at all. That affects who writes and gives “the best man speech,” but the spirit stays the same: the person closest to the groom (or the person being honored) gives a toast—if they want to.

Scenario 1: Two Best Men (or a Group of “Best” People)

If you have co-best men, you have three good options:

One shared speech: They write it together and alternate lines. Great for keeping it concise.
Two short speeches: Each gives a 2-minute toast. Works well if they have different relationships with the groom.
One speaks, one supports: If one is confident and the other hates public speaking, the confident one delivers while still including stories from both.

A helpful rule: if you have more than three total toasts, consider shorter speeches or combining a couple of speakers, so the reception doesn’t feel speech-heavy.

Scenario 2: Best Woman or Person of Honor

If the groom’s attendant is a woman or nonbinary best person, they can absolutely deliver the best man-style toast. You can still call it a best man speech in your timeline if that’s easiest, or rename it on the program as best person toast or attendant’s toast.

“Most DJs and coordinators just need to know who’s speaking and in what order,” says Marcus Lee, DJ and MC at The Good Mic Company. “The title matters less than a clear plan. I’ve introduced ‘the best woman’ dozens of times—guests never blink.”

Scenario 3: The Best Man Doesn’t Want to Speak

This is more common than couples expect. Fear of public speaking is real, and some best men feel pressure to be funny.

Options that keep everyone comfortable:

Let him decline with no guilt. The role doesn’t require a speech.
Offer a reading instead of a speech (a short toast, a meaningful quote, or a simple “cheers to the couple”).
Have someone else toast in his place (a sibling, close friend, or the groom himself).
Record a short video toast played at the reception—helpful for anxiety or long-distance attendants.

If you choose a substitute speaker, communicate it early so your DJ/MC and coordinator can adjust the reception timeline.

Scenario 4: The Groom Writes It for Him (or He Gets Heavy Help)

Engaged couples often ask if the groom can write the best man speech. Etiquette-wise, the best man should ideally write his own words. Practically, it’s fine for him to get help—especially with structure, polishing, or brainstorming memories.

The line to avoid: a speech that sounds like it was written by someone who isn’t the speaker. If the groom helps, keep it in the best man’s voice, and make sure the best man is comfortable delivering it.

Actionable Tips for a Great Best Man Speech (Without Stress)

Give clear guidance: Couples can set expectations like “2–3 minutes, kind humor only, no exes, no embarrassing stories.”
Share a simple template: Thank the couple, tell one short story, say what you admire, toast their marriage.
Encourage practice: One run-through out loud is worth ten edits on a phone screen.
Ask for a “clean” version: If you’re worried, you can request a quick outline ahead of time. Not to control it—just to avoid surprises.
Plan microphone logistics: Confirm who hands off the mic and where speakers stand (especially important for outdoor weddings).
Keep it inclusive: Minimize inside jokes and explain any reference in one quick line so guests can follow.

One real-world trick: ask the best man to imagine he’s speaking to the couple’s grandparents, coworkers, and friends all at once—because he is.

Conclusion: Keep the Role Clear, Keep the Tone Kind

Most of the time, the answer is simple: the best man writes and gives the best man speech. But modern weddings are wonderfully flexible. If you have co-best men, a best woman, a best person, or a best man who’d rather not speak, you can adjust the plan while still honoring the relationship and keeping your reception smooth.

The best guideline is reassuringly straightforward: choose the speaker who will be comfortable, keep the toast short and heartfelt, and set expectations early. Your guests won’t remember perfect phrasing—they’ll remember the love in the room.